Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
