May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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