How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
