It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
