It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
