shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
