Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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