You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
