When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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