Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
