When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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