He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
