I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He passed out mid-signature
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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