Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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