I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
