I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
