me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize