i think my tv is drunk
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
and you fell through a lawn chair
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