you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
