i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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