ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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