What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
