are you so shy because you have an std?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize