Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize