He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize