I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
