He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize