I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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