I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
