Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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