I met the friendliest cop last night
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
