This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
