too bad you live with your parents still
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
