Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
