I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
