I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
