the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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