the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
there is puke in my bra ... again
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