8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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