why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
two words...techno handjob
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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