That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
