theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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