I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
