and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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