If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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