Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
