i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
