Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
