Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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