So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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