i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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