one two three fourrrrnication!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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