my sisters under your porch take her home
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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