If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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