you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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