her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
