so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
