Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
