It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
