Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
