I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
