yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize