That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
