oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
