we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
