Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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