eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
