Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
